Same Same

Alarm. Didn’t I just get to sleep? Hit snooze. Just drift back to sleep… Alarm again. Snooze? One more time. Alarm. Oh for f… Bleary eyed, stretch, cuddle whichever cat is closest. Mirror. Contemplate the features that make up my face. Sigh. Tie up my hair. Wash my face. Moisturise. Toilet. Feed the cats… give them both some of the gravy straight from the packet, their favourite. Change out of pyjamas. Kettle on. Toast on. Let cats outside. Coffee. Toast, avocado and egg. Cats inside. Youtube. 20 minutes left. Brush teeth. Makeup. That’s as good as it’s going to get. Get dressed, check cats food and water. Check keys, grab book and coat. Goodbye. Get stuck in traffic, find a park. Time? 8:00 train in 7 minutes. Walk faster.

—Train. Overheard conversations. Too loud music. Try to concentrate on book—

Computer on, open blind, turn on fan. Coffee. Check emails, prioritise work. Is it lunch time yet? Not yet, more coffee. I’ll just finish this. Why am I so hungry? Oh, it’s 2:30 pm. I’m hungry with no idea what to eat, go to one of the regulars. Coffee. Prioritise work.

—5 minutes till the train. Got a seat. Red eyes can’t focus on book. Social media. Book—

I’m not hungry but should probably eat. Find something. Eat. YouTube. 8:30 pm. I should go to bed soon, busy day tomorrow. One more video. 9:25 pm. I haven’t worked on anything for myself, what about my projects? Browse online shopping or similar. 9:55 pm. Surge of inspirational energy to work on own projects. I’ll just do a bit, it’s better than nothing. 10:50 pm. I’m going to be so tired tomorrow. Bed… Can’t sleep.


and repeat.

The Storm

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
— Haruki Murakami, Kafka On The Shore

Being An Adult…

What even is an adult?

(typed the 27 year old)

I can barely manage to look after my own hair so I don’t know why I thought I’d be good at adulting. Not adultery, I’d be rubbish at that, I also wouldn’t want a part of or in it.

I left work late yesterday and when I got home I drank a gin and tonic in the shower. Then I decided I wasn’t too hungry but should probably eat something so I had a bowl of Milo cereal followed by an oat and raisin cookie and a cup of tea.

I went to bed early and I guess I’m pretty tired, in general, because I usually get up at 6:30 am for work but this morning I woke up to bright daylight streaming through the window… it’s winter now, which means no daylight at 6:30 am, looked at the time: 8:03 am! I raced out of the house but of course by the time I’m trying to get a car park to catch the train it’s school time [cars everywhere] and I have to park three blocks away.

When I was little I couldn’t wait to be an adult and now I can’t remember why. I don’t enjoy it very much to be honest,maybe it’s because I always thought I’d live alone, which I currently do not, maybe because I thought I’d know more about the world? myself? other people? but every day reminds me that I really don’t know much at all and I don’t know many people who do either.

I do know that I need to make time for things I enjoy like writing for this blog that I was so excited about creating.

Responsibilities and juggling them, maybe that’s what being an adult is about? I can only successfully juggle two things, I think the other eight are on the ground.

Lizzie X